The Agony of Defeat
Today is officially going down as the WORST DAY EVER
Besides the obvious...
3:32 a.m.: Bizarre dream, restless sleep, cranky me.
7:30 a.m.: Attempt to get to work early to avoid tourist traffic, thwarted by having to wait 8 minutes for a train. 8 minutes! At 7:30a.m.! I didn't wake up early for this! Naturally, the train that finally arrives, crowded, cantankerous, and OH SO MUCH SPACE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CAR. A pox on those bottleneckers and their children, and their children's children...
(In other news, I've invented a new sport. It's called "murfing." Also: Metro surfing. You get onto a really crowded train where you are forced to stand, squished in a crowd of people, any number of whom are touching you in places you'd rather they didn't, and, being unable to grab a railing of any sort, are forced to sway in time to the braking and acceleration of the train and try not to fall down or cause a human avalanche, when, just for kicks, the diver brings the trian to a screeching halt between Rosslyn and Foggy Bottom cause he thinks it's funny. Extra points for yelling "cowabunga" or singing the wipeout theme.)
8:02 a.m.: Seek coffee from Starbucks stand in the Westin Hotel near my office, am greeted by a line 15 deep, which has nearly overwhelmed the sweet little asian woman who operates the stand, of fat midwesterners with circus clown makeup. Are you kidding?
8:04 a.m.: Nearly run over by the Four Horsemen as I attempt to cross M Street. As if the snow yesterday weren't omen enough...
11:30 a.m.: After a few hours of genuinely productive labor, I decide to reward myself with a trip to Starbucks to write early morning coffee wrongs. Armed with my Starbucks card and an equally intrepd coworker, I embark. I get to said coffee shop, I purchase said coffee, and because Starbucks is an evil yet irresistible empire, I am given a "sample" of their new "drinking chocolate"(gateway drug). I don't know how in the world Starbucks got away with making it socially acceptable to drink liquid fudge, I think it has something to do with the dainty little cup and sleek black lid they serve it in, as well as its fancy name Chantico (named for the Aztec goddess of hearth and fire, thank you barista!). Anyway, at this point, I'm starting to feel pretty good, so good, in fact, that I hope to bring my sample of Chantico back to work and share (hook)it with some coworkers. I reach my building. I try to access my ID to get past the security guard while precariously balancing my wee Chantico atop my latte. I have almost completed this delicate maneuver, when I spill the Chantico (crack) down the front of my coat, all over my ID, and in a nice chocolately puddle on the carpet in the main lobby of my building.
WORST DAY EVER.
Besides the obvious...
3:32 a.m.: Bizarre dream, restless sleep, cranky me.
7:30 a.m.: Attempt to get to work early to avoid tourist traffic, thwarted by having to wait 8 minutes for a train. 8 minutes! At 7:30a.m.! I didn't wake up early for this! Naturally, the train that finally arrives, crowded, cantankerous, and OH SO MUCH SPACE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CAR. A pox on those bottleneckers and their children, and their children's children...
(In other news, I've invented a new sport. It's called "murfing." Also: Metro surfing. You get onto a really crowded train where you are forced to stand, squished in a crowd of people, any number of whom are touching you in places you'd rather they didn't, and, being unable to grab a railing of any sort, are forced to sway in time to the braking and acceleration of the train and try not to fall down or cause a human avalanche, when, just for kicks, the diver brings the trian to a screeching halt between Rosslyn and Foggy Bottom cause he thinks it's funny. Extra points for yelling "cowabunga" or singing the wipeout theme.)
8:02 a.m.: Seek coffee from Starbucks stand in the Westin Hotel near my office, am greeted by a line 15 deep, which has nearly overwhelmed the sweet little asian woman who operates the stand, of fat midwesterners with circus clown makeup. Are you kidding?
8:04 a.m.: Nearly run over by the Four Horsemen as I attempt to cross M Street. As if the snow yesterday weren't omen enough...
11:30 a.m.: After a few hours of genuinely productive labor, I decide to reward myself with a trip to Starbucks to write early morning coffee wrongs. Armed with my Starbucks card and an equally intrepd coworker, I embark. I get to said coffee shop, I purchase said coffee, and because Starbucks is an evil yet irresistible empire, I am given a "sample" of their new "drinking chocolate"(gateway drug). I don't know how in the world Starbucks got away with making it socially acceptable to drink liquid fudge, I think it has something to do with the dainty little cup and sleek black lid they serve it in, as well as its fancy name Chantico (named for the Aztec goddess of hearth and fire, thank you barista!). Anyway, at this point, I'm starting to feel pretty good, so good, in fact, that I hope to bring my sample of Chantico back to work and share (hook)it with some coworkers. I reach my building. I try to access my ID to get past the security guard while precariously balancing my wee Chantico atop my latte. I have almost completed this delicate maneuver, when I spill the Chantico (crack) down the front of my coat, all over my ID, and in a nice chocolately puddle on the carpet in the main lobby of my building.
WORST DAY EVER.
posted by KEM @ 8:47 AM
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